Inspiration: My Boys
I always thought I’d be a mother. I don’t think I realized quite what that meant, however, until I held a 9 pound 2 ounce baby Joey in my arms for the first time and felt my heart constrict with a love that was almost painful. I was in love, I was overjoyed, and I was…scared for my life! How could something so tiny and helpless have such power over my heart? Since that time, we’ve also added Mr. Gavin to the family, and I’ve watched as my heart did a doubling over in capacity for love. It is unreal to me that I am a mother to these two incredible little guys.
Not only did my boys change my capacity for love, but they also continually inspire me. When I look at them, I see reminders of God’s grace. I look at them and I realize that cancer could have taken my life five years ago. I look at them and I marvel at how very gracious God is, in that while I was sick in a hospital bed, he already knew these little guys by name. I am in awe that I have been allowed the privilege of being a mom to two such beautiful boys.
I am inspired when I watch Joey’s simple joy. Running through a fountain on a hot summer day brings him such unparalleled joy, that I can’t help but find joy right along with him. Watching him discover new experiences and sensations is like discovering life all over again through his eyes. Seeing how tender he is with his little brother makes me proud as a mother, and also touched that he takes moments from running around the house and playing, to simply talk to Gavin. Sometimes when I am busy with a task, a conversation will suddenly catch my ear, and it’s Joey, helping to show his brother what color all his toys are. It melts my heart quicker than anything.
Even five month old Gavin inspires me. His awe for his big brother, so evident as he watches his every move and smiles in excitement when Joey talks to him. The way he absolutely lights up when he sees Jason or me, tells me more about the love of God than a million books on the topic ever could. The way he trusts me to be everything he needs is as inspiring as it is challenging and daunting. The peace I see in his being when he rests is like nothing else, so free of care and worry and strain.
My boys inspire me. They inspire me to be a good mom, they inspire me to be a better Christian, and they inspire me to love even more, with every piece of my heart, holding nothing back. Joey and Gavin are inspirations.