A Mother’s Confession

 In confessions, family, stories

If I’m honest, I’ve been struggling lately. I miss my daughter. I wish I got more time with her. This Mother’s Day, I fully thought I’d be a mother of 3. And I am. I just don’t have all 3 children with me in my arms.

I miss our precious Angelina Grace. I think of how I would have dressed her in the prettiest of dresses and the biggest of hair bows. I imagined taking her for pedicures and yogurt when she was older. As much as it scared me to become the mother of a daughter, I was incredibly excited for it, as well.

With Mother’s Day approaching, I think of my sweet girl that was lost to us, and then I look at my two boys. Oh, I am so blessed! I get to attend “Muffins with Moms” at Joey’s school today. I get to hang out with Gavin and receive his world famous “squeeze hugs” daily. And I even got 6 months with my sweet girl living inside of me, moving around and making me her home. I am truly blessed.

Maybe this Mother’s Day is a hard time for you, as well. Maybe you, like me, have lost a child or have not been able to conceive at all. Maybe you have recently lost your own mother. Maybe you never really had a mother to begin with. Whatever the case may be, we are not alone, and we are not without hope.

I believe I will see my little girl again one day. I believe my two sons can grow up to be world-changers. I believe that life can never get so dark that Christ’s light can’t broach the divide. Today, instead of focusing on my loss, I remember my daughter and honor her memory. Then, I take a deep breath, look over at my two boys, and just smile. Being a mother is a calling so high that I have never truly felt equipped to take it up, and yet, here I am. Day by day I do my best to show my boys that they are loved by me, their dad, and their Heavenly Father. The rest isn’t important enough to stress over.

This may not have been the Mother’s Day I was planning on, but it’s still beautiful. I pray yours is, as well.

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