Ode to Fear

 In poetry

Goodbye, old friend, or should I say
Old oppressor of my soul?
And yet the familiarity with which you greet me
Oft plays upon my friend ideas as a whole.

You have ravaged the peaceful layers of my existence
Burned through my false pretenses.
And yet when I think about you I remember
There’s no place you haven’t infiltrated, each one of my five senses.

You were a predictable visitor
I could see, should see you coming from a mile away.
And yet why do I always panic
When I realized that you planned to stay?

And it wasn’t as if I didn’t invite you,
Though Lord knows I didn’t want to.
And yet every action, every fall back was screaming
“Come and take over, this is all I’m used to.”

Trapped in a cycle of love and hate.
I hated you so completely,
and yet my mind seemed to love you,
Always ushering you in discreetly.

But you gave yourself away
When you kept on proving your harm.
And yet I still found myself
Trapped within your arms.

Yeah, you got me
And you got me good.
I knew this wasn’t the plan
But couldn’t do what I should.

So instead I got knocked down
Each time I came to visit you (or you to visit me).
And yet I still kept on/keep on fighting
A prisoner pleading to be set free.

How could I not see that you were a prison
Even as you paraded as my family heirloom?
And yet I kept your suite ever ready
So when I invited you, there was room.

So I realized I had to get strong
I had to be the one to ask you to leave.
And yet there’s Someone else coming
Ready to take your spot and ready to be believed.

Inviting another Guest
That’ll make you realize you have to go.
And yet should the new occupant push you out
I won’t tell stop Them or say no.

This Guest brings warmth where you brought chill
And light where you bred dark.
And yet I can’t put all the blame on you
‘Cause I kept a place for you in my heart.

But not anymore.
I’ll admit I won’t be sad to see you go.
And yet I might panic on how to get through things
Without you there to help my panic grow.

But my new Guest is a wonderful Teacher
Patient where you were too quick to judge.
And yet prompting me to trust
Where you were like a heart-tattooed grudge.

I may not have it all together
And I may not always remember this goodbye.
And yet when I go looking for you I’ll remember
That my new Guest is now in your old place, in my heart and in my mind.

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